Interesting evening.
See, there was a girl I was involved with right around one year ago. Things were going pretty well, but then sort of exploded. Part of it was because she seemed to want things to go a bit more quickly than I was ready for (kinda weird, since some would say I'm usually the jump-the-gun sort myself when it comes to relationships), and part was because I was still trying to work out my feelings for my ex-girlfriend, and actually trying to get back with her. So towards that end, and in an attempt to save myself strife, I didn't tell the ex how serious things were with the new girl, and I didn't tell the new girl how I still felt about the ex. Funny thing, though, how when I try to steer myself clear of current discomfort, I end up heading right for a future hurricane. And that happened, of course--the new girl and the ex found out the story right about the same time, and neither was very happy with me. But the new girl especially, she was quite hurt and angry, went from hopeful about me to spiteful about me in right around an hour, and I rather figured that for the past year she thought I was the worst human being she'd ever met. And I hate it when someone out there actively hates me, you know? Even if I did do wrong, I'd prefer that no one actually bear me ill will. So I'd wanted to talk to her to straighten things out if I could, or at least see how much she really did hate me after a year. So tonight I said hello.. and it really wasn't that bad. Turns out she still thought I was a jerk, and handled the whole situation rather badly and immaturely--about which I agree totally--but she seemed to have gotten past the hurt and anger, for the most part, and was even holding on to some of the good memories we had before it all fell apart so quickly. I thought about saving and posting the conversation, but I decided against that. But she even went so far as to say I was probably the best lover she's ever had, which is always good for my bruised ego. :) And she said she believes now that I did care about her at the time--I honestly did, and didn't intend to hurt her at all.. I just did stupid things and screwed it all up. She said part of her even wishes that I still lived down there, because she'd like to talk to me or even see me again. Kind of interesting.. I don't know if I'd want to see her again, but I don't know. Anyone reading this familiar with the situation as it happened last year would say hell no, you shouldn't even have said hello to that crazy bitch again.. But I don't think her reaction was all that out of line. She'd come to place a lot of hope in me, and she did care a great deal for me and thought I cared for her too, and all of a sudden it seemed to her that I'd just been feeding her bullshit and using her. That wasn't the case, but it may as well have been. So I dunno, I almost want to see her again sometime even if just to make up for my mistakes, you know? A karmic sort of thing. ;) Well, hopefully we'll at least keep talking.
Anyway, time for me to get to bed. Just finished burning Vetty's cd, too, finally! It was tough--I only had a couple songs in mind, really, so I ended up just scrolling through my mp3's and picking songs I was feeling. I think I might have to make this a 2-disc set, now that I think of it.. there were a few songs I meant to put on that I realize I forgot. Hm. Well, I'm working on it, anyway! :)
All right, g'night, everyone out there, wherever you are..
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