Regrets, I've had a few.
Jul. 1st, 2013 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kv0925I'd read this before, but came across it again today and felt like Ctrl-V'ing it here. It's a good reminder of what matters, and some good things to keep in mind, I think. I'm gonna bold the parts that resonate with me.
The top 5 regrets of the dying, as reported by a palliative nurse:
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
I definitely try to keep #2 in mind--one of my mantras is that no one reaches their death-bed wishing that they'd spent more time at the office. But it's good to keep the others in mind too, especially the bits about daring to be yourself--follow your dreams, express your emotions, and decide to be happy. I know it's not always easy; certainly those are not the signs leading to the path of least resistance, as I well know. But in this modern era of convenience, instant-gratification, and First-World Problems, we all have a choice--many choices, in fact--about what to do with our time and what sort of person we want to make ourselves: what sort of life we want to choose to lead. I'd like to make more of a habit consciously thinking about those choices, and maybe how to make better, braver decisions from time to time.
The top 5 regrets of the dying, as reported by a palliative nurse:
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
I definitely try to keep #2 in mind--one of my mantras is that no one reaches their death-bed wishing that they'd spent more time at the office. But it's good to keep the others in mind too, especially the bits about daring to be yourself--follow your dreams, express your emotions, and decide to be happy. I know it's not always easy; certainly those are not the signs leading to the path of least resistance, as I well know. But in this modern era of convenience, instant-gratification, and First-World Problems, we all have a choice--many choices, in fact--about what to do with our time and what sort of person we want to make ourselves: what sort of life we want to choose to lead. I'd like to make more of a habit consciously thinking about those choices, and maybe how to make better, braver decisions from time to time.
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Date: 2013-07-02 08:14 pm (UTC)